Polyphemus:
I have great pain in my back and as you do heavy lifting of your stone door and mountain tops, I thought you would have some tips on avoiding lower back pain. Any stretches you can recommend?
Sincerely,
Quasimodo
Dear Quasimodo-
Contrary to popular belief, most lower back pain is not caused by muscle weakness and is therefore not alleviated by stretching the muscles. Instead, what you are experiencing is most likely caused by a dietary insufficiency. I would recommend a diet that is rich in large, fresh, animal proteins washed down by some undiluted wine. Take two at supper and two for breakfast, and this normally does the trick. After a few days of this therapy, you should be ringing those bells like it's 1999.
Sincerely,
Polyphemus